Dear G.O.D.

Many years ago, 20 years ago in fact, when I was in the first years of my teenage-hood, I had a best friend.  I don't know that I was his, yes "his", best pal but we spent a great deal of time together laughing, watching movies, walking home from school together and just having a terrific amount of fun.  We were just good friends.

The fun came to a abrupt and painful end when a new girl in the neighborhood developed an interest in my friend and to capture his attention I suppose, made some false accusations about me.  I did not possess the backbone to defend myself and paid for it dearly when the next year was torture at the hands of my former friend who had gone from trusted companion to someone I didn't dare speak to for fear of ridicule.  I tried very hard to forget those years wasted on my lost friend and the misery I had been in at that time and for many years did not think about him. 

Lately, I have found myself reminiscing and pondering the things that have brought me joy in the past.  Just a few days ago, I remembered the wonderful times he and I had.  That night I "googled" him and found a few websites for his place of employment along with a few pictures.  

I really do miss my smart, fun and funny friend.  I am truly happy for those successes of his that I was able to read about online.  The months I spent with him were some of the happiest times of my life.  I understand that things change, so I know that he may not be the person I remember, but I would really like to catch up now that we are older and less fickle.  I was unable to tell if he is married or involved, which matters only because I do not want to create domestic issues and I tend to believe that were I happily married and an old female friend of my husband's sent him a letter I may be a slight bit uncomfortable.

 So, Godiva, I am looking to you for advice.  What do you think?  Should I send him a letter or is the best choice to leave everything where it was dropped so excruciatingly decades ago?  Would your advice be any different if he was your son?  
    
---Anxiously Awaiting Advice

Dear Anxious:
What have you got to loose by attempting to re-connect with a friend from your past?  Sounds like your anziety is drived by two fears.  First: you don't want to endure the embarrassment and rejection you suffered in your teens; second:you don't want to cause him any discomfort if he has a jealous wife or girlfriend.  I think the lack of backbone you describe in your letter is still your problem here. 

Contact your old friend by e-mail (somehow less suggestive than a letter on frilly scented paper delivered to his house).  Start by saying you were cruising the net and discovered his name, congratulate him on his success and suggest meeting for coffee to reminisce.  If he rejests your offer...get rid of the worm that has been eating away at you for twenty years.  Just forget about it and move on. 

If he accepts your offer, don't blow it by  dwelling on the teenage incident that caused your rift.  Dismiss any discussion of that dreadful time with a single sentence like, "Oh, teenagers are so cruel.  I'm glad we're past those painful times."  And then go straight into talk of your good times together.  Even if you don't act on this impulse at all, dump that twenty year old sack of smelly baggage you're carrying around!  It's downright unhealthy.

---G.O.D.  Godiva Olivia DuBois